People seem to like keeping track of what I do which is flattering, I don't really know what their intent is or why they really like what I do and how that relates to me personally. I'm kind of at the point of no return when it comes to me and my projects, especially since they seem to involve what I am like on a very intimate level that I'm not aware of and this rubs off in conversation really easily, so people either brush me off as incoherent or stupid and take no interest or they do for whatever reason and then I become involved with them. Where this becomes problematic is that I have been trying to negate most of my personality with what I do more than anything, the proverbial "I'm gonna expose it because I don't care who knows it" applies here or at least I would prefer it did. So when someone points out something to do with myself I am usually ignorant of it at first, and I only get to know it when others tell me about them. Personally I would rather be kept in the dark about what I'm like because it seems to throw off what I'm doing more than anything.
I would rather tell myself things that weren't true about how I live then have to tell you one more thing about what I'm like which I feel I have to do, it's kind of embarrassing because I just feel the need to fill people in on the most intimate secrets a person can have if I do. Which means for me that I have to deal with people in this kind of Jim Carrey from "Liar Liar" way of speaking which eventually leads to me spilling all the mapquest directions with the other person barely revealing anything. I have decided to let this happen, until I run out of things to tell people and I am finally cleared inside out. I have been doing this through youtube videos over the past few months. My desired result is coming out of this not knowing anything at all.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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